| Guide to Political Terms and Phrases |
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| User |
Term or Phrase |
Intended Meaning |
Actual Meaning |
Political Objective |
| Democrats |
Government funded |
No one will have to pay for it. |
Taxpayer funded |
Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from some Americans to others. |
| Democrats |
Working Americans |
Americans who were not born so obscenely wealthy that they have never had to work, and who therefore work but do not earn much more than the nation's median income (presumably, anyone earning more must not be "working") |
All Americans who work to make a living. |
Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from some Americans to others. |
| Democrats |
Fair Trade |
The principle that other nations shouldn't be allowed to cheat American workers out of a job. |
[Per Democratic usage] The principle that businesses should not be able to give jobs to desperately poor people abroad unless they pay them wages comparable to those of middle class Americans. |
Preventing Americans from losing jobs to dirt-poor people abroad who need the jobs even more (and, for politicians, gaining union campaign money and votes). |
| Democrats |
Undocumented Immigrants |
People who came here by creative, unconventional means. |
Illegal immigrants (unless a bureaucrat has simply misplaced the paperwork). |
Get Latino votes. |
| Democrats |
Equal Opportunity |
Prevention or correction of racial discrimination in employment and education. |
[per Democratic usage] Technically, affirmative action. More descriptively, racial preferences, or, from the standpoint of the non-preferred, racial discrimination. (Winner of the Orwell Award) |
For African-Americans, an opportunity to gain an advantage by being judged "by the color of their skin rather than the content of their character" (MLK). For Democratic politicians, gain African-American votes. For anyone else, avoid being labeled a racist. |
| Democrats |
Universal Healthcare |
Equal healthcare rights for all Americans. |
Taxpayer-funded healthcare for anyone not othewise covered. (To be paid for using money recovered by allowing the Bush tax cuts to expire, money that will be used a second time to fund entitlement liabilities and a third time to reduce the deficit to restore fiscal responsibility.) |
Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from middle-class and wealthy Americans to lower-income Americans. |
| Democrats |
Progressive |
A person who prefers enlightenment over ignorance and and improvement over the status quo. |
Liberal |
Offer a more palatable word than "liberal" to centrist Americans. |
| Democrats |
Redeploying troops from Iraq |
We're leaving but not quitting. |
Withdrawing troops from Iraq |
Get our troops out of Iraq and making it sound like just a different military strategy. |
| Democrats |
Iraq Plan |
Just leave and the pain will stop. |
[per Democratic usage] Just leave regardless of whether or not staying would be likely to affect the ultimate outcome (i.e., avert or mitigate the consequences of full-scale civil war). (See antonym in "Republicans" section) |
Use the Iraq issue to retain and increase power in Congress and to take back the White House. |
| Democrats |
United Nations |
An organization in which nations work together in good faith to seek peace and justice for all. |
Individual nations pursuing individual interests in the same building, claiming at all times to be acting on principle. Other acceptable definition: global auction house in which votes are purchased if the price is right. |
Emasculate our foreign policy so we can feel less hated abroad. |
| Democrats |
Hillary Clinton |
Principled statesperson who puts our nation's well-being above personal political ambition. |
Whatever the polls and consultants tell Hillary Clinton she should be today. |
Elect Hillary. |
| Democrats |
Barak Obama |
The man who can transform our nation's politics and rescue us from partisanship. |
A very intelligent, articulate, good-looking politician with only 2 years of political experience at the national level, no executive experience in government or business, a relatively short adulthood so far, and whose positions on the issues few people know, but who is nevertheless favored by a significant portion of Democrats to be our next president. |
Elect a Democrat who is less phony than Hillary. |
| Democrats |
Dennis Kucinich |
Standard-bearer of liberal idealism. |
User of political fame to achieve the widest gap in looks between wife and non-rich husband in the history of marriage. (Beauty & the Leprechaun) |
Mission accomplished. So clever it almost makes me want to vote for the guy. |
| Democrats |
Pro-Choice |
Supporter of liberty and privacy. |
Supporter of abortion legality, regardless of whether or not the fetus is a human being. |
Keep abortion legal and unrestricted. |
| Republicans |
Values |
The core codes of conduct that distinguish good people from bad and which keep our culture and nation from unraveling. |
[Per Republican usage] Evangelical sexual mores and the need to legislate curbs on individual rights accordingly -- not to be confused with frivolous concepts such as integrity, courage, loyalty, kindness, compassion, industriousness, self-sacrifice, tolerance, or fairness, all of which are apparently outside the scope of values. |
Get as many Americans as possible to become or stay fundamentalist Christians. |
| Republicans |
Protecting Marriage |
Keep homosexuals from denigrating your marriage by equating it with their perversion. |
[Per Republican usage] Denying homosexuals equal marriage rights. (How gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage is left to the imagination. Note: This term is not to be confused with a non-existent mass effort to reduce our 50% divorce rate by placing more legal obstacles to divorce, which would fit the term much better but as of now is entirely theoretical.) |
Prevent/reverse legality of same-sex marriages. |
| Republicans |
Opposing "Special Rights" [for homosexuals] |
Opposing Superior Rights |
Opposing Equal Rights |
Prevent homosexuals from gaining equal rights, and win elections by stoking bigotry and baseless moral condescension. |
| Republicans |
The 2nd Amendment |
Your fundamental, constitutionally guaranteed right to bear arms for fun, protection, and to keep the government from getting too powerful by maintaining the threat of insurrection. |
The right for individuals to bear arms for the purpose of serving in a well-regulated militia (or modern counterpart) to defend the nation or defend a state from the federal government. ("A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.") |
Miminize restrictions on weapon ownership, regardless of any consequences. For politicians, get campaign contributions from the NRA and win rural male votes. |
| Republicans |
Terror Alert / Elevation of Threat Level (archaic term: last heard in 2004) |
Message from the Dept. of Homeland Security: Don't do anything, but get scared, and vote for the guy who seems most likely to kill someone to protect you. (Not heard since the 2004 Bush re-election.) |
Unknown. |
2004: Get Bush re-elected, along with as many Republicans as possible. |
| Republicans |
Support our troops |
Support our plan for the war and continue funding it, unless you want to get our most patriotic Americans killed. |
Appreciate the service of our troops, make sure they have what they need to do their job, take care of them when they get home, and don't keep them in a war unless we have a damn good reason. |
Keep the troops in Iraq |
| Republicans |
Iraq Plan |
Stay and we will prevail. |
[per Republican/Lieberman usage] Stay regardless of whether or not it is likely to affect the ultimate outcome (i.e., avert or mitigate the consequences of full-scale civil war). (See antonym in "Democrats" section) |
Stay long enough for Democrats to force a withdrawal so they can be blamed for "losing Iraq". |
| Republicans |
Patriot Act |
You're either with us or with the terrorists…and we'll know based on your support or opposition of this law. |
Expanded Government Eavesdropping Law. (Will any politician who wants to scale it back need to introduce a "Treason Bill"?) |
Sacrifice civil liberties to reduce the risk of terrorism. |
| Republicans |
Mistakes have been made [in Iraq] |
Some anonymous third person screwed up. |
I made mistakes (big mistakes). |
Avoid blame. |
| Republicans |
Death Tax |
The moral equivalent of grave-robbing. |
Technically, the estate tax. More descriptively, the inheritance tax, almost all of which affects wealthy beneficiaries. |
Government confiscation and transfer wealth from the middle class to the wealthy. (“Death tax” is useful for those who wish to repeal it because death is the only thing most people oppose more than paying more taxes so wealthy people can start inheriting estates tax-free.) |
| Republicans |
Consistent, pervasive liberal media bias |
The brainwashing conspiracy that is the only reason you have any negative opinion of any Republican or his/her positions. |
Selective anecdotal evidence of what are arguably individual cases of liberal bias. (Note: Cases of bias to the right constitute "fair & balanced" reporting.) |
Scapegoat every Republican defeat (and encourage listenership of right wing radio and viewership of Fox News) |
| Republicans |
School Prayer |
Religious freedom (see also "Values" above) |
[per Republican usage] A law that would force a public school teacher to coerce public schoolchildren to recite a prayer written by politicians and/or bureaucrats. (Not to be confused with the act of praying in school, which anyone can already do). |
Use the intimidating authority of the state to coerce children to worship (specifically, to worship in accordance with monotheism and ultimately fundamentalist Christianity.) |
| Republicans |
The Ten Commandments |
The foundation of our legal system (among other things), worthy of placement in our courts. |
A list of demands, backed up by scary threats, supposedly provided by an imaginary man in the sky, only three of which relate to crimes, and the first four of which consist entirely of requirements to worship a particular diety exclusively. |
Use the intimidating authority of the state to coerce adults to worship. Also, use the prestige of the state to affirm the validity and superiority of Judeo-Christian beliefs. |
| Republicans |
Flag-burning |
A threat to the nation so grave that we should amend the constitution to override the First Amendment. |
A form of unpopular political expression, which the First Amendment was created to protect. |
Revoke our freedom in order to protect our ultimate symbol of freedom. For politicians, an opportunity to make your opponent look less patriotic if he/she has more integrity, political courage, and commitment to actual freedom than you do. |
| Republicans |
Strict constructionist |
A judge or justice who is not so presumptuous, arrogant and megalomaniacal as to rewrite our constitution to reflect his/her personal preferences. |
A judge or justice who will seek to overturn Roe v. Wade. |
For politicians, a winking signal to Pro-Lifers that he/she will appoint judges and justices who will overturn Roe v. Wade, while leaving Pro-Choicers clueless. |
| Republicans |
Tax "relief" |
Tax cuts are the moral equivalent of helping victims of natural disasters. |
Tax cuts |
Tax cuts |
| Republicans |
"Rudy" |
The man who will save us from terrorism through his superlative anti-terror competence. |
A man with zero foreign policy or military experience who, after the 1993 WTC bombing, located his Emergency Operations Center on the 23rd floor of the WTC (against advice of security experts), who never provided needed communications equipment to first responders, and who pushed Bernard Kerik for head of Dept. of Homeland Security. (Also happens to be the man who would be the ultimate flip-flopper on guns & abortion if Romney had not set the bar stratospherically high.) |
Get a myth elected |
| Republicans |
Mitt Romney |
Former liberal who has recently seen the light and undergone a sincere conversion to pure social conservatism. |
The most shamelessly opportunistic and unprincipled flip-flopper in political history. Believed only by the same people who believe that three weeks of rehab "cured" Ted Haggard of homosexuality. |
Get elected and then follow the polls on every issue closely and act accordingly to ensure re-election. |
| Republicans |
Maverick John McCain |
A man who sticks to his principles, talks straight, and takes positions solely on what he thinks is right, regardless of the wishes of the Republican base and the party establishment. |
What John McCain was before had a good chance at winning the Republican nomination (before the Straight Talk Express took a turn onto Flipflop Road and then a quick right onto the Pander Expressway). Yet...the most consistent of the top 3 of "Rudy McRomney". |
Elect McCain |
| Republicans |
I'll eliminate wasteful spending |
I can restore fiscal health without anyone losing anything legitimate (all gain, no pain). |
The only way I could find anywhere near enough spending cuts to reconcile my stand on low taxes with my pledge to eliminate the deficit would be to substantially cut defense and social security and medicare benefits, but I'd like to win the next election. |
Get elected by not telling you what you don't want to hear. |
| Republicans |
Fiscal Conservative |
Advocate of low taxes AND fiscal responsibility. |
[per Republican usage] Advocate of cutting taxes under any and all economic conditions, levels of national debt, unfunded entitlement liabilities and related threats to our future standard of living, who makes it all work by readily accepting all the most optimistic -- rather than conservative -- economic assumptions and forecasts, and who sometimes argues that tax cuts "pay for themselves" (generate higher revenues through higher growth), despite consensus to the contrary among economists, or who contends that tax cuts "starve the beast" (reducing spending by lowering revenues), or who contends both, despite their inherent contradiction. (Not to be confused with a true fiscal conservative, who would be concerned about our national debt and unfunded liabilities and favor realistic analysis and solutions). |
Tax cuts. |
| Republicans |
Tort reform |
Prevention of frivolous lawsuits that are killing businesses and medical practices, and driving up costs for consumers unnecessarily |
Limitations on your ability to sue and collect money from companies that you believe injured you, which does protect companies and physicians from frivolous lawsuits, but also also make it profitable for companies to market unexpectedly exploding, limb-tearing and surprisingly flammable products. (Not to be confused with a better pastry recipe.) |
Rewarding large campaign contributors by limiting their product liability. |
| Republicans |
Pro-Life |
Opponent of killing babies |
Opposer of abortion legality, regardless of whether or not the fetus is a human being based on anything other than his/her scripture. |
Overturn Roe v. Wade |
| Republicans |
Pro-Life with exception in case of rape |
Opponent of abortion but with reasonable exceptions. |
Opposer of abortion legality because the fetus is a human being, which makes abortion the murder of a baby, which should be legal if the mother was raped, as long as the murder is committed before the baby is born, not that the baby is any less of a human being before it was born. |
Overturn Roe v. Wade. For politicians, gain Pro-Life votes without turning off every Pro-Choice and ambivalent voter. |
| Both Parties |
Pork barrel spending |
Wasteful spending of your tax dollars that I'll eliminate |
Spending on projects in every other legislator's district or state (In my district or state it's legitimate constituent service) |
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